How Did I Get Here? And how the heck do I get back?

This is going to be a long post. Sorry for that upfront, but this is a question that isn't a quick answer.

How did I get here? That is a question I ask myself a lot. And I know the the answer is more than a simple sentence that can solve everything quickly.

And I know what some of my family and friends will say - You had a baby.

Yeah, I did. But if I'm being honest....and honestly, what's the point of writing all of this if I'm not?!....honestly - I was WAY overweight before I ever got pregnant. When I got pregnant, my doctor said - "I don't want you to gain more than 20lbs".

You know it's bad when a doctor tells a pregnant woman not to gain weight.

And those same friends and family will say very sweet, very well-intentioned things like, "You didn't look like you weighed 200 lbs". And I love all of you for trying so hard to make me feel better, and for reminding me to focus on the positives.

But....I did. I did weigh that. I did look like I weighed that. I'm 5 foot tall. The only positive thing about being 200 lbs and 5 ft tall is that I was positive I was going to feel like crap about myself every day.

I want to kick my own ass for getting to this weight, and not doing anything about it before this. Which, technically, I guess I am kicking my own ass now that I'm working out on a regular basis.

So how did it happen? It's vital that I understand the reasons why so that I can recognize and avoid them in the future. I've been thinking about this for a long time, and I can recognize several steps that led me to those 200lbs.

The first thing that comes to mind is that my husband is an AMAZING cook. He is. If you've ever eaten his food, then you know it's true. But - the real problem is NOT that he's an amazing cook - that's a good thing.

The problem is that I didn't have a shred of willpower when it came to portion control. So he would cook this amazing food, and then I'd eat enough for three people. It was just so good. That was the first big hurdle I had to overcome - portion control. And Mike was awesome about changing the food we were eating to make it more healthy. When I finally started being serious about it, he started finding new vegetables to cook, and new recipes to try that were healthy and different. And we started cooking less food at each meal. If there was only enough for each of us, there was no need to keep eating. I can't eat what isn't there.

Which brings me to the next issue. We ALWAYS had candy and sweets in the house. And pop. Mt Dew, Coke, whatever, I'd drink it. So we stopped buying those types of things. One day I went through our pantry and I literally threw away anything and everything that was bad snacks. No more Reese's cups in the fridge. No more Starburst in bags. Again, I can't eat what isn't there.

After a while, the cravings for those sweets went away. I'm not saying I don't occasionally want chocolate, and there are definitely days that I HAVE to have a Mt Dew. The difference is that I have ONE. On one day. And then I drink water. I don't drink a twelve pack in two days. And we have found that there are snacks out there that are actually very sweet, and they fix the craving for under 100 calories. Special K pastry crisps are one of my FAVORITE things now. They have Strawberry, Blueberry, Brown Sugar...and....CHOCOLATE. Which might be my favorite snack ever.

We used to eat McDonald's about once a week. And throw in at least one night of Venezia's pizza, and then usually one other night where we'd get Burger King/Taco Bell/Filiberto's/Jack in the Box or some other version of one of those. I never gave any thought to how many calories I was eating in one meal at one of those places.

At McDonald's my order was always the same:
Big Mac Value Meal with Large Fries and Large Coke, and also a 10 piece chicken nugget. And I would eat it ALL. Do you know how many calories that is?

1670 calories.

That is more calories in one meal than I eat in an entire day now. Ugh. That seriously grosses me out just typing that.

What makes me feel better is that I honestly don't remember the last time I had McDonald's. Or Burger King. Or really, any fast food of any kind. I know that it's been at least since August, when I remember having the Doritos Taco from Taco Bell one night because I had seen the commercial so many times, and I REALLY wanted to try that. So I did. And then the next meal I was back on track.

I eat a LOT of fish now. I have tuna for lunch at least twice a week. I eat a lot of Smart Ones, and Lean Cuisine, and when I eat at restaurants, I focus more on the protein of the meal I choose, instead of eating the sides first. Mmmmm....mashed potatoes. I am a sucker for potatoes. And so I don't allow myself to order them unless I also order the veggie, and I will only eat the mashed potatoes if my meat and veggies are gone first.

It also helps that my husband is an amazing cook. And he cooks a LOT. I am very lucky that he does, and I know that. Because of him, I've discovered I like asparagus, grilled green beans, some forms of zucchini, squash and grilled corn on the cob. And we try and limit the carbs that we make, so that I'm not tempted by the evil machinations of the Po-tay-toe.

Oh Yukon and Red, how I love thee!! But alas, our love was not meant to be, and so we're gonna have to settle for the occasional conversation on some random Tuesday night. You bring the butter, I'll bring the fork.

There are more steps and realizations about how I got here, but that is all for tonight. Next time I'm going to talk about how weighing 200lbs affected EVERY area of my life, and the things I've learned about myself because of that.